I Blinked and She’s Gone

I wrote this last year but thought I’d reshape for all of you that are preparing to do the same. No, you’re not crazy if you want just one more year. No, you’re not crazy if you’re ready for the space and freedom. And no, I’m not ready to send her off again.

SAHMmelier

I sent my baby to Kindergarten on Monday.

I sent my little girl to Kindergarten.

I sent THIS little bundle of love to Kindergarten.

millybaby

How is that possible?  It was a blink ago, I promise.  It’s not that she is really “gone,” obviously, but it is the first of many steps in letting go.  You hear it all the time.  Cherish each day; it goes so fast.  But when you’re in the middle of it, it doesn’t feel fast.  The lonely nights from 1-5 am, feel like they’re never going to end.  The hour before my husband gets home seems to drag with the kind of steady defiance reserved for acts like putting their shoes on when I am in a hurry or picking up their rooms, one lego at a painful time.  And yet I took my baby to Kindergarten Monday.

She has always operated at her own pace.  Although…

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Being a stay- at-home mom can leave one thirsting for a taste of the outside world, a world in which sentences are composed of more than three words. Being an educator means one is always seeking an opportunity to explore and learn. Being a woman with a need to connect can be a challenge when adult conversations are rare. In wine, I find the marriage of art and science, agriculture and storytelling provides limitless areas to explore. But it is the people that keep me engaged. The tenacity needed to keep the family dream alive, the risk to start anew, the trials and principles. I love the history of the vine, the impact of a season, the sentiment in the bottle. That is why I write. I write to tell their stories, to share a piece of mine. I write to learn as I teach others. I write to connect with new friends, to disconnect from the world. I write to celebrate what makes each of us unique, and that which ties us together.

6 thoughts on “I Blinked and She’s Gone

  1. Thank you so much for re-posting this! I wasn’t one of your followers last year, plus I may not have read it anyway, because I would have been trying to avoid the reality that I would be in your shoes just one year later. But now, that year has passed, and I am that mom who watched her baby girl ride away on the bus for her first day of Kindergarten. My two-year-old son threw an absolute fit as she was leaving, partially because he wanted his big sister, but probably mostly because he wanted to ride the bus. I was actually thankful for this, though, because it kept me from crying in front my daughter. She was so excited to begin her new adventure, and how could I possibly squelch that by letting her think that I was sad while she was beginning one of the most talked about and anticipated events in her life? Now, that she’s gone, though, I can’t say the same. I’ve tried staying busy with friends. and with my son (or I should say that HE kept ME busy), and it has helped. Now that my son is napping, though, the silence of the house is making me miss her all over again. There are a million things that I could/should be doing, but instead, the tears fall, and my heart truly aches for her to return! Despite my Mommy sadness, I can honestly say that I’m soooo excited for my sweet girl! She has an amazing teacher, has already made new friends, and is going to have the time of her life! How could I possibly feel anything buy joy for her? I am truly blessed to have a child who is so enthusiastic about life and learning, and welcomes this change with open arms. It’s truly what I have prayed for since the day I learned that I was pregnant, and deep down, my heart rejoices that my prayers have been answered! Now, however, you’ll have to excuse me while I have a good cry, and count the minutes until she’s home.

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    1. I’d like to tell you it get easier. It does actually, but I still wasn’t ready for school this year. You’re right to feel everything you’re feeling. It just means your daughter is well-loved! Hang in there, stay busy, and have a glass of wine!

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